*Starts Blog* *Disappears for months*
WELP. Let me explain.
In my early 20's (I'm a wise late 20 now, don't @ me) my mom used to always "joke" (there was literally zero joke) that I should write a blog about my funny dating stories/life. I was even invited onto a previous client of mines radio talkshow "Relationship 911" where the words "hot mess" were tossed around more liberally than I care to divulge on. Dating in LA, man. It's not for the weak spirited. And while I couldn't ever really justify publicly shaming myself online and how that would move forward my professional life, I have always loved to write and be creative.
Fast forward a couple of years and 1 never ending week into quarantine later, I've got a wedding blog on my hands.
And here is where the internal struggle begins.
I've always struggled with the idea of CERTAIN social media influencing, blogging, etc. I'm not a "my shit don't stink" kind of person, and I know better than to believe that everything I eat, wear, and do is going to be favored and desired by everyone. There are a couple of handful's of "influencers" that I enjoy to follow on social media and I leave it that. What I just can't get past, is the culture of "look at me!" "look at what I'm wearing/eating/doing!". And after one ESPECIALLY humbling year, I felt completely uninspired to write about the showy, flashy, things I'd planned to do for our wedding.
I was listening to my favorite churches podcast a couple weeks ago (shoutout Vous Church & Rich Wilkerson!) and he said "I don't want my presence to be impressive. I want it to be ENCOURAGING." "I don't want to leave a room and have people say wow he/she is so great! I want them to say wow I feel great. Encouraged. Seen..." Ain't that a whole dang word!
^^ Everything written above this line I've had written for a couple of weeks. And then I get stuck - "writer's block" if I'm self proclaiming my 3 blog post page owning self a writer lol.
So what? Why are you sharing this if your point is that you don't feel inspired to write about yourself and materialistic things? Do you know what you ARE going to write about then? Are you going to continue to write? If you don't have a purpose why would anyone bother to read?
Our thoughts have no filter.
This morning this story was brought to me...
"And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, “Do you see anything?” And he looked up and said, “I see people, but they look like trees, walking.” Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. And he sent him to his home, saying, “Do not even enter the village.” " Mark 8:22-26
Jesus took him out of the village, away from the noise, the bustle, the distractions. Into silence and solitude. The first time Jesus touched him, the man saw FIGURES of what was in front of him. A blur of a vision, unclear but there. Then, the second time Jesus touched him he saw everything CLEARLY. And he told him do not go back to the village. 2020 VISION. But do not. go back. to the village.
I wonder if when we have a small gain, a small success, do we "announce" it and take it straight to our village for the immediate hype, or do we see it as a gradual gain towards this bigger, clearer purpose? Do we overvalue the comments on our photos of our announcing of our flashy purchase, promotion, milestone? And undervalue the quiet steps we take towards the faith we have in our vision of walking trees by quitting that habit, leaving that environment that doesn't serve you, letting go of the worry you hold onto? Are we settling for immediate celebration and gratification when our ultimate miracle is still in motion?
I once had someone ask me "do you think some of the thoughts we have, are God talking to us?"
At the time I didn't relate and answered "ummm...no never really thought about it that way". That was years ago, by someone I don't know anymore, and I think about that question all. the. time. I believe that 100% now. And I don't think that we are gifted with the clear vision, until we take the mustard seed of faith that we have in the season of a blurry vision, and do SOMETHING with it. My thoughts right now, at the end of this rollercoaster of a year, is that we've all been stripped of all of the distraction, and God is putting something on all of our hearts. It's probably something that is scary to start, maybe knocks your pride down a bit, puts you or your reputation at risk, asks of your vulnerability, doesn't make total sense... But I wonder if we'll just start.
I want my presence to be encouraging, not impressive. I don't totally know where this blog takes me with that new mission... But I'm willing to trust that creating a mission in the first place is the right start.
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